One Sunday afternoon in October, my husband and I were having an especially difficult time with one of our babies. We just had them both down and the phone rang. It was one of my mother-in-law's caregivers. I was especially surprised to hear the caregiver's voice...she was the one that felt my mother-in-law was very "normal" and never appeared to have dementia, when she was with her. This time the caregiver was whispering...she told me that my mother-in-law was asking to go home...they were at her home. I hung up with the caregiver and looked at my husband in disbelief. I barely had the words out of my mouth, when our phone rang again...it was my mother-in-law this time...She asked me to come pick her up, whenever it seemed convenient...she was ready to go home.
I told her I would be there in a half hour. My husband and I are frantically trying to figure out what to do. We decided I would go pick her up and drive her around, then take her back home. We were not even sure if she would know me...
The caregiver left as I got there...I was nervous to see what I was going to be dealing with...I took a deep breath...
She came to the door and she looked a little worried. I put a big smile on my face and asked her if she had fun today. She said she had, and that she really liked the caregiver, but she was just ready to go home. I played along...I told her that sounded like a good plan to me. She proceeded to get her purse and her keys. She even locked her front door behind us with the key that had "home" written on it...
We got in the car, and we drove. I wasn't sure where we were going, but I just knew we needed to drive. I was relieved to remember she had some prescriptions at the local pharmacy. I asked her if we could stop at the pharmacy before we went home...she was happy to have an errand to run.
She was almost in a daze in the passenger seat. I asked her if she was ok...she hesitated and then said she was fine, but she felt a little disoriented. She continued to say that her caregivers house looked a lot like hers...even the furniture was the same and in the same place. She was most perplexed about how her cat got to the caregivers house too. She asked me what I thought about all of that...I tried to keep things light, but wanted to address it. I told her it sounded like she and her caregiver have similar taste. I added that it was so sweet she thought about having her cat over to join them that afternoon.
We picked up the prescriptions and headed back to her home. As we reached the door, I became very peppy...again trying to keep things light...I even commented about it always being good to be home, when you have been gone all day. My mother-in-law agreed, but she looked around the house. She went room to room...I was making small talk the entire time.
The next month and a half were tricky at best. My mother-in-law became agitated...she would go back in forth thinking she was at home, to wanting to go to home. It became clear she was going to have to be moved to an assisted living facility...six weeks later she moved into her "home".
Less than a year later, Hospice was called in...a month later she was gone. Her new home is in now in heaven, where her most precious spirit belongs...with her husband of 48 years.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Where has the time gone...
It is going on two years since my last post. There are so many reasons why, but most of all it is such a painful journey and to write about it...makes it a reality.
My life became hectic in May of 2010. My husband and I became licensed foster parents. One Thursday in May we got the call we were approved. On Friday, we got the call to pick our first baby from the local hospital. Christopher joined our family on Saturday. One month later, we received another phone call for a baby boy. Alexander was 3 1/2 months old.
April 4th of 2011 we adopted Christopher. August 1st of 2011, we adopted Alexander. As crazy as our lives are, we are so grateful for the blessing of our beautiful children. On many occasions...it is what kept us from falling into a deep funk.
With the blessing of our babies, my mother-in-law was ecstatic! She loved the babies and every phone call began with her asking about the babies and ended with a baby story. We lived so close to her, we would visit all the time. The babies seemed to give her a little boost...from the depression...for awhile. Although my mother-in-law was very aware she would one day not remember them...ironically she remembered them the longest.
This blog is about AD and dementia and not adoption, but I felt it was necessary to to explain the huge gap between posts. In future posts there will be a better understanding as well.
My life became hectic in May of 2010. My husband and I became licensed foster parents. One Thursday in May we got the call we were approved. On Friday, we got the call to pick our first baby from the local hospital. Christopher joined our family on Saturday. One month later, we received another phone call for a baby boy. Alexander was 3 1/2 months old.
April 4th of 2011 we adopted Christopher. August 1st of 2011, we adopted Alexander. As crazy as our lives are, we are so grateful for the blessing of our beautiful children. On many occasions...it is what kept us from falling into a deep funk.
With the blessing of our babies, my mother-in-law was ecstatic! She loved the babies and every phone call began with her asking about the babies and ended with a baby story. We lived so close to her, we would visit all the time. The babies seemed to give her a little boost...from the depression...for awhile. Although my mother-in-law was very aware she would one day not remember them...ironically she remembered them the longest.
This blog is about AD and dementia and not adoption, but I felt it was necessary to to explain the huge gap between posts. In future posts there will be a better understanding as well.
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