The Depression

The first year, after my father-in-laws death, we anticipated things would be difficult for all of us. Because my mother-in-law had issues prior to his death with anxiety, we knew this would truly test her in so many ways.

She had gone to her primary physician who had given her a prescription for Xanax and an antidepressant. She went though several antidepressants and found one that worked for her. Overall, we were surprised by her strength and her vigilance to get through this...All of the "firsts" had come and gone. We had many tears, much reminiscing, and even a lot of laughter.

My mother-in-law had attempted to keep herself busy. Many of her friends had advised her to make sure she got out of the house, go out to dinner, continue with church and the church choir. She took pride in following through with all of the advice she had been given.

Then the second year came...I remember she looked at me and said, "I have done everything I was supposed to do. I have been a good girl, but you know what? He still is not here and he is not coming back...this just really sucks!" What do you say to that? I looked at her and I said, "Yes, you are right...it does suck!"

My husband and I soon realized she been going through the "motions" of grieving. We did not expect for her to magically feel better about her loss after one year. We also knew we could only help her so much, she was going to have to go through her own process in her own time. We spoke to her about seeing a counselor. I had found out that there was a grief counselor through the funeral home she had used for her husband. The funeral home also offered support groups. She absolutely refused to be a part of a group. Reluctantly, she agreed to go to the counselor. After a few sessions, she looked forward into going to her appointments. She followed up with that counselor for approximately 6 months. We weren't sure what good it was doing...She continued to sleep much of the day, and began canceling many of her other obligations she once enjoyed.

She kept going to the doctor thinking she must be sick. "Something has got to be wrong", she would tell the doctor. He ordered every test known to man. As you would have probably guessed...nothing was wrong physically. The doctor doubled her dosage of Prozac, from 20mg to 40mg.

She became more and more disconnected. Her judgment at times was not as sound as it used to be. Her daytime sleepiness worsened. Then she started talking about all of the "floaters" she would see. She would also tell us that every morning for the last few weeks, (we had been hearing it for over 6 months)she would have to review in her mind, who was living and who was dead. She would have to remind herself her mom, dad, and husband were gone. It was when she spoke of "figures" next to her bed and it looked like someones hair around her lampshade on her nightstand, that I knew we were headed into a very dark and unusual place. (It is always a sign when you hear something that makes all the hair on the back of your neck stand straight up!)

Let's just say that for years, she manipulated her doctor and he fell into her trap. The Prozac dosage see-saw played on and on...During this time she did complain of her forgetfulness, but mostly her leg and back pain. The family recognized all the sleeping was not doing her any favors. Her memory always was better when she was up and would attempt to stick to a schedule. Unfortunately, those days were few and far in between. We had many "come to Jesus" meetings...all was pretty much a no-go!

Them she had the episode I spoke about in the last post. The doctor prescribed Aricept. Several months past, and we got her to get a second opinion on her meds and dosages. We talked her into seeing a psychiatrist. He kept her on her Aricept, due to her concerns and lowered the Prozac dosage. Many of her "unusual" symptoms diminished. Although, her physical ailments increased...she complained often on her legs "feeling heavy and wobbly". We were grateful to get her in to a psychiatrist, but we also wanted her to see a psychologist. With a lot of politicking on our part, she agreed to see the psychologist.

However, we noticed seeing the psychologist was doing absolutely no good. My mother-in-law was not "hearing" any of it. She continued to sleep an abnormal number of hours in a day. She began to completely isolate herself from many of her friends. I was making excuses for my multiple random phone calls a day...in hopes she may wake up and actually get out of bed.

My husband and I made an appointment with the psychologist. My mother-in-law had signed releases and we started going to some of her appointments with her. We knew we needed to see the psychologist without my mother-in-law. We really needed to see what was going on in her once a week, one hour a day sessions.

While waiting for a couple of weeks, it so happened to be the time she was "experimenting" with going off her Aricept and Namenda. By our appointment time, we had much to talk about...